Confusion

Chu Xia had a fever.

When he woke up in the morning, he felt that his vision was a little blurry, and he felt weak.

There was so much going on during the wedding ceremony. It felt like the commotion had turned into a heat that was hitting him continuously.

He gradually felt his chest tighten up. Then his cheeks, his hands and feet to his thighs. When he reached out to catch the bouquet, his chest was as heavy as a statue. He lost his balance and he wobbled with every action. He fell to the ground

What time is it now? Is it day or night?

His eyes saw a blur. Sweat could not stop flowing from his temples into his hair.

He was in a daze. It was like he returned to those days of isolation—to when the coronavirus just broke out in London.

At the beginning, he had an itchy throat and a dry cough. His body was hot and cold.

He had a blood test and an X-ray, and everything was normal. A few days later, he still had a tightness in his chest, as if there was a stone pressing on him there. He did another blood test, and a CT scan. The results were not very good—his white blood cells were low, and there were spots on his right lung.

Then came isolation.

Isolation was inside a temporary room. The walls were still freshly painted. The room was sprayed with disinfectant and it smelled bad. It did not even have an air purifier.

The door was locked from the outside. The windows were strictly forbidden to open, and it couldn’t be opened. The hallway outside was also sealed, and the sound insulation was not good. When he tried to sleep at night, he could always hear the person next door coughing.

The cough made the whole hospital panic.

There was no TV in the room, and all news from his cell phone was about the pandemic. Various groups were discussing where and how many new cases were added every day. There was also a patient discussion group, where everyone panicked more

There might be errors in testing, and the possibility of surviving was slim.

Everyone was hopeful half the time, and gave up half the time.

Although he prepared for the worst, Chu Xia didn’t want to participate in those discussion groups that created so much anxiety.

When he was bored, he thought of the past. During that time, who he thought about the most was Liang Shiyun.

That wasn’t the first time he was thinking of her.

In fact, in the past two years, he often thought of her.

He didn’t feel much when they first broke up.

When he was young, the most important thing to him was proving himself.

Between love and self-actualization, he chose the latter almost without hesitation.

He was very busy with studying and working, so he didn’t think of her a lot. Usually he would forget in the blink of an eye

The first time he really missed her was in the second year after the breakup. Yu Xiaoman was on a business trip and asked him out for dinner.

He had always known that Yu Xiaoman had something for him.

When they were in college, she tried to flirt with him in different ways. After many years of not seeing each other, they finally met in a foreign country. Since Chu Xia was meeting with a previous classmate, he just wanted to be a nice host. However, Yu Xiaoman had some other thoughts

Are all women so unrealistic? For a while, Chu Xia felt that it was strange.

They were in a foreign country, so that was no way to start a relationship. Even if she could transfer to work in London…

A relationship needs time to develop. It was not going to be obvious at the beginning whether it was going to work out or not. How was this worth giving up her future for her to try?

At that time, he just won a prize in a design competition.

Yu Xiaoman praised his design during dinner.

“What do you think is great about it?” He had to ask.

She was suddenly at a loss for words.

At that moment, he felt even less interested.

That day, after dinner, he said goodbye to her.

He laid on the bed in the dormitory at night, and he was thinking of Liang Shiyun and the way her eyes used to sparkle after reading his work.

Your soulmate will not have all the qualities you want to your satisfaction.

It was not easy to find a like-minded partner who was mutually appreciative.

But he was young and should focus on his career.

The sadness of the night was quickly forgotten by Chu Xia.

Study, practice, work. When the first design contract was implemented, Chu Xia was excited all night.

Yet there was no one to share it with.

He remembered what Liang Shiyun once said, “You will definitely become a very good and talented architect.”

He did it, but she was not by his side. He felt empty after being excited.

Maybe he needed someone to share his joy with.

Maybe he should not be focused on just his career.

He was not young anymore, he should consider getting married and having children.

After that, he began to try to find a person for that.

But when he was dating, he would always end up thinking about Liang Shiyun.

Not as beautiful as her, not as smart as her, not as independent as her.

He was missing something.

“What do you think of me?” A colleague recommended herself when she learned that he was finally planning to fall in love.

They were colleagues, and they were like-minded. She was a senior he admired, and the way she appeared was in line with his aesthetics—but for some reason, when she exhaled into his ear and spoke this ambiguous invitation, he suddenly stood up.

“Chaz1?”

“I still have something to do, so I have to go first.”

He couldn’t tell her that when her soft body was pressed against him, he thought of Liang Shiyun.

Chu Xia left in a hurry.

He almost flew toward the garage. He sat in the car, turned on the music, upped the volume, and tried trying to drown out his thoughts with the electric guitar.

He was fantasizing and remembering when Liang Shiyun was extremely close to him

At that moment, he suddenly realized that he still had feelings for Liang Shiyun, and these feelings were more than what he had felt for anyone else over the years. He finally admitted that he had actually always missed her.

At a time when she probably forgot about him.

That night, Chu Xia drank a lot of alcohol. Not surprisingly, he dreamed of Liang Shiyun, and dreamed that she was with him.

The dream was clear.

The small details in the dream were like vines, gradually gripping him tighter and tighter

He woke up profusely in a sweat. After being in the bathroom for a long time, he still couldn’t relieve the restlessness in his mind.

He stared at his semen-stained hands for a while, and finally found a number from his phone and dialed it

After so many years, it was a very abrupt phone call. It took a long time before it was answered.

“Hello.” On the other end of the phone, Liang Shiyun’s voice seemed like a world away.

“Hello…” He opened his mouth, but didn’t know what to say.

Something seemed to be expanding in his chest. It pushed his ribs from the inside until it filled every inch of space in his chest cavity.

Maybe love was like picking seashells on the beach.

He saw a big and beautiful shell for the first time ever. But he forgot that the beach did not have a lot of shells, and that big and beautiful shells were rare.

The high fever still persisted, burning like fire on every inch of his skin.

Chu Xia struggled a few times, but he couldn’t lift his hand at all.

It felt like he was tied down by stones. His chest and consciousness were constantly sinking into the thick mud.

If this was a new strand of coronavirus, if he was going to die soon…

The things he once valued were not important. He worked hard, and he did not regret that.

But as for his other regrets

The hot air rose up, making his chest tight and difficult to breathe.

As he suffered from the endless heat, he suddenly wanted to see his country, his parents, friends, and

“Shiyun…” He tightly gripped the hand.

“It’s me.” A dull male voice rang out.

Chu Xia struggled to open his eyes. On the hospital bed, Gao Yan was trying to break his hand away.

Chu Xia’s English name

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